I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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