He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize