The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize