Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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