I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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