Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
