My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
