so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I need to stop coming to work sober
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
