my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
