The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize