I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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