she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
we should paint friendship bongs
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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