You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
