There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
