Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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