Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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