Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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