I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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