Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
