We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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