I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
