i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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