We named our party play list daddy issues
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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