I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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