last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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