Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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