real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
