If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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