its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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