I just made out with a guy for $7.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
