I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
