i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
