Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I love you. Go after that dick
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
