Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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