In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
