would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
