Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
