You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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