my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
