Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Randomize
