i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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