so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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