She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
