Your face is a jimmy john
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
