It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
