i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
how does that bad decision feel?
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