You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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