Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
