next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
