It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize