If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
