ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
