a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
