I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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