Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
