he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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