I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
