Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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