Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
