Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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