everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize