Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
