He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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