Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize