either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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