No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Green mimosas i think yes
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
