I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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