i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
