dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
