just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
