It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
