the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
