If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
